The Big ‘O’ or the Big ‘No’


What woman doesn’t long to have that intense rush of pleasure generating through her body? That explosive moment where everything leaves you but that gigantic smile left on your hot and bothered face? Isn’t that how they describe it in those terrible romance novels? Well what if I was to tell you that a lot of the time, that psychotic uncontrollable spasm that leaves you looking like you’ve just experienced the worst epileptic fit in history was indeed false. Yes, that’s right fake!

Woman of today would love to say that they experience that toe curling orgasm they read about every time they engage in intercourse, but truth be told it doesn’t always ‘come’. A test carried out by Danish psycho-sexual therapist Pia Struck who revealed the results of a study she had made of 500 women and their ability to climax suggested otherwise. They all took part in a sex therapy session where they used clitoral vibrations. Pia stated ‘25 percent of these women had never climaxed’ and after the test was carried through 465 of these woman were now able to. Although this number outweighed those that couldn’t immensely, the remaining demonstrated that it’s not as easy as it seems to reach climax as publicised.

Books, films, TV shows all play a part in the deception that climaxing is a piece of cake. This all could be the reasoning for them to somewhat exaggerate or completely fool their partners into thinking they had just experienced the greatest pleasure to mankind. Arguably it adds pressure to women who may think that it’s not normal to orgasm every time if not at all. What they may fail to realise is that it’s not what they are doing wrong but what they can do better. Many women feel the need to reassure their partners that he or she is doing the best job under the sheets by giving Pavarotti a run for his money. Scientists believe that relaxing and not rushing to get to the end will enable an orgasm pushing forward the theory ‘slow and steady wins the race’. I believe that it’s all about self confidence and if you have too many insecurities, it will run havoc on your mind making what is supposed to be a pleasurable experience, a terrible one.

On the other hand there are women who don’t mind faking at all and ironically sar-gasm also gives them a confidence boost. Knowing that their partners are likely to talk about their bedroom adventures to others describing it as amazing and out of this world, is all that matters. As long as it sounds right, it feels right. This way of thinking can be tricky in the long run because it can be difficult to get out of. If they are used to faking it and it becomes routine to arch your back, clench you ‘walls’ and let out a loud moan after 5 minutes then where is the love? Society today has stripped sex of its romanticism and made it purely an act that people engage in for the thrill. It should be a special time for partners to bond and create harmonious love rather than a quickie in the back of a cinema. Although it is great to be spontaneous, if you are looking for that big ‘o’ then my best bet would be to take your time.

Another reason as to why I believe that some women haven’t experienced the big ‘o’ is because they are having sex at a younger age. Studies show that on average, women experience their first orgasm at 18 years old. Which ideally means that they would have a few years experience therefore can achieve this as the age of consent to have sex in the UK is 16. However as we all know this is a rule regularly broken and underage sex is no longer a taboo but common in this day and age.

There are also the few women who are unsure of whether they have actually experienced an orgasm. Being unaware of this feeling is common amongst women because it is not as physical as men who reach climax. Women tend to have an internal reaction and with the many nerves that are in the female anatomy, it can be confusing as to what is what. Orgasms come in different sensations from different areas and it’s a matter of knowing your body. Exploration is the key.

There are many ways to achieve this, books have been written for years demonstrating certain positions and after researching extensively on orgasms, I wanted to no more from a specialist. Tristan Coopersmith, a love therapist says woman should try self stimulation. ‘It is like asking someone to hunt for treasure without a map’ suggesting once you learn the route it’s easy to guide someone else. She says that speaking up and simply saying ‘up’ or ‘down’ can be helpful as you are giving clear and concise instructions to your partner without insulting them. She states that it’s also very important to create a space called the ‘o’ environment. ‘Creating an atmosphere that turns you on will make you feel equally inspired and at ease.’ I was interested to find that small things such as pouring a glass of wine or running a hot bath increase chances of reaching orgasm. Tristan says because it puts you in a relaxed zone you are detached from stress. So I guess the movies weren’t entirely wrong. Guys that think dimming the lights and putting on the most sensual tunes will help a girl unwind for their own benefit are mistaken, in fact their actually doing us a favour!

I often wonder why it’s so difficult for women to orgasm as easily as men and I now know it’s a number of reasons. Women often wind up getting in the way of their own sexual satisfaction by over-thinking things but it’s simply just the way we are made. Time and time again they get it going…going…then it’s gone so advice from an unprofessional would be to relax and enjoy.

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